i have moved over to WordPress! you can now find me at:
i have moved over to WordPress! you can now find me at:
When I was a teenager I looked to my older sister, Sarah, for fashion tips. That girl knew how to dress. For whatever reason I just couldn’t get it right. Occasionally, Sarah would help me put together an outfit or let me borrow a shirt when I was trying to impress a boy in class. At times I took advantage of her closet and she would turn me away if I asked to wear something expensive or delicate. However, I’m a devious teenager and refused to abide her rules. Here is my confession.
In middle school I had to catch the bus at 7:00am. Sarah left the house and drove to high school at 7:30am. She would wake up and take her morning shower around 6:45am which lasted roughly ten minutes. This would give me just enough time to invade her closet.
1. Never take anything new.
2. Stick to the middle of the rack, less flashy clothes
3. One item is okay, two is brave, three is nay
Once I had my chosen pieces I would rush down the stairs, backpack and lunch already prepared, scream “goodbye” to my mom and head to my friend, Lisa’s, house. There I would change into my sister’s super cute outfit and would daydream for Josh, Dale, Chad or anyone to ask me out. Throughout the day I’d get, “Karen! Such a cool top!” and “Karen! I love that skirt! You have such cute clothes”
I know it sounds incredibly shallow and lame and sad but I lived for those compliments. Being the target of teenage ridicule for years I had developed horrible social skills so I felt the only way to make myself noticeable was a stylish exterior. Despite all the effort my mother made to comfort me and assure me that things do get better I couldn’t see past the 7th grade. When I got home from school, I made a beeline to Sarah’s closet to replace the articles I borrowed. Putting every piece in it’s original place.
This ritual lasted a good 3 years. Sarah knew. She had to have known. But she was a good sister and understood what was going on with her younger sibling. Thank goodness I eventually got over the whole “clothes make me popular” thing. But I still steal my sister’s clothes.
My mom thought it would be a sweet gesture to send me hundreds of pictures of myself throughout the years for my birthday. It was. I love looking at photos of myself. Mom knows me so well. And then I made my boyfriend go through each photo one by one as I told him the story behind each because in my mind no one has led a more interesting life than me. I decided to pick out my favorites and share the stories with you. You’re welcome.
Your flute. Never leave home without it. Especially on picture day. Also, don’t wash your hair. Ever.
Sometimes you have the same crush year after year. And sometimes you end up hating them by the end. How does a young girl deal with these conflicting feelings? By vandalizing her class picture.
My first thought? Who’s that boy? Ugh. Hersey Park used to be so awesome.
Trying to be the most badass marcher on the field.
Whoa. Settle down, young Karen. Sorry to report, you never stop making that face.
The phone conversation I just had with my boyfriend. Probably exaggerated because I do that sometimes. Okay, I do that all the time. But not like, ridiculously exaggerated. Because I only do that when referring to the size of spiders:
JOE: “So, my dad’s refrigerator computer broke and it was-“
ME: “Uh! Did you just say ‘refrigerator computer’ broke? Joe, obviously you are COMPLETELY out of your mind because there is no such thing as a ‘refrigerator computer’ you weirdo.”
JOE: “What!? Karen…..what?! Are you serious right now? Yes. A refrigerator computer. It monitors the temperature of the fridge.”
KAREN: “Joe. I think you’ve lost it. Yes, there is a device in your fridge that helps with the cooling or whatever but it’s not called a COMPUTER! I can’t talk to you anymore. This relationship is over.”
JOE: “Yes, there is! Like, how my car has a computer.”
KAREN: “Now I really can’t handle you anymore. You have just confirmed who the smarter of us is.”
JOE: “Yeah. Me. Just….ugh….just go Google it.” He rolled his eyes at this moment. I know because I have an extra sense that notifies me of this.
KAREN: “I’m not going to Google it. I’m busy.” The truth is once he said “Google” I got a tad worried because I figured it must be a real thing because everything I see online I assume is real.
JOE: “You are ridiculous.”
KAREN: “Fine! I will Goooooogle ‘car computer’……… JOE! You do NOT have one of these things in your car! This is a DVD player/GPS monitor thing which is like a computer but it is not a computer.”
JOE: “First of all, I said to look up ‘refrigerator computer.’ Secondly, so you admit that I was right about there being a car computer.”
KAREN: “I said nothing of the sort, sir! Nothing!”
At this point I received an e-mail from Joe. It was a gallery of Google images of refrigerator computers.
JOE: “You just got my e-mail, didn’t you? Did you open it? Did you, stupid?” He didn’t actually call me stupid. But he was thinking it. Because I have a sense for that as well.
KAREN: “That is NOT at ALL what I had imagined!* You should have said what it looked like in the first place. Instead you let me go on and on. You’re the worst. And it’s still not called a ‘computer’….I can’t believe how much time we just wasted arguing about this. I have things to do, Joe. “
JOE: “I may or may not want to see you tonight….”
*I then immediately drew and texted him what I imagined. Of course it would have been a computer from the 80’s with old code displaying a fridge error message. He wrote back, “Haha. Nice.” but I think he really meant, “You are a GENIUS and I am so lucky to be your boyfriend.”
And you know what I hate? That “fridge” has a ‘d’ in it but “refrigerator” does not. I’d hate to be a 2nd grade teacher right now and have to explain that one.**
**If you are a 2nd grade teacher can you explain it to me?